Darn Good Coffee

At least that’s what the sign says. I don’t really know…i got the decaf brew. I REALLY wanted the Autumn Roast. But i was good. You’re welcome Norah. (I feel shes a girl today…)

oh well. This morning has been sort of perfect. Minus the freezing air conditions inside this little bagel place. There are limited options for me while I wait for Clayton to finish up his pastors training this a.m. It worked out last week, so I decided to come here again this week and see how the morning goes. Im thinking I may change it up next Wednesday…someplace warmer.

We are a one car family again for the next few days. Over the last week or so, we have run into a few glitches in that department (when do we not right?)…so we are carpooling…everywhere. It’s a good thing we really like each other :) .

Clayton has training from 6-8 on Wednesday mornings. 2 hours for me  to spend some time in the Word and catch up on some much needed reading. I did the first one today…but not the second. I may regret that come later this afternoon. Anyway, when he’s done, we’ll head off to work. We were discussing work this morning.

Clayton asked me “Hey, guess what the first question was at the men’s retreat this weekend?” I asked him to preface if this question was directed at merely himself, or if it were in general the first question asked to all the men. He said all. So I guessed..” Did you see the game last night?..” chuckle. When that was incorrect, I knew what the question was almost immediately. “So…what do you do?” He shouted confirmation from the bedroom. I rolled my eyes a little. We hate this question. We are 25 years old…and not at all doing the work that we love. When we get asked this question, particularly Clayton, this is how the conversation inevitably goes… “so, what do you do?”…”i work for a moving company..” “…o yeah…which one?…o?..I’ve never heard of it…where at in the company?…accounting?…are you an accountant?” “Nope. We just work there”…and then it ends…as if now the person asking the question knows any more about us than before…which would be an incorrect notion. I am not saying this to be bitter….i appreciate the inquiries into our lives…but I really wonder if we answer them correctly..or if rather, the questions are asked correctly?

I mean, the question of What do you do? Does imply a response that includes some form of employment. but why do we answer it as such? Why not, “well, I work to further for the Kingdom of my Lord Jesus”?…Because that sounds cliche? Possibly. But there has to be a better way to get to know each other…believers and unbelievers alike. Talking about our job titles in such a basic manner really gets us nowhere. One. our jobs/careers don’t define us…even a little bit. And if they do…that’s a problem I think.

Enough on that front. We are off to work again. Hopefully today I will get a chance to love my coworker Kelly better than I did yesterday. And better than I did on Monday. That’s what I’m supposed to be doing right? I mean, I work in the accounting department…but whenever I think about that, I wonder why in the heck I work with numbers…I’ve never been good at math. So there must be a much better reason---a higher purpose if you will?….to Love. Yep. I think that’s what my job is today (I would think that i don’t need to give a disclaimer about how I know that we area called to to our jobs with integrity and diligence…but I’ll include in anyway). To love.

And to show the people around me who my King is and that He loves them too.

How many carseats can I fit into an SUV?

I felt inclined to blog today once I heard that my most amazing mother in law (FitFran) decided to join the pool and begin a blog of her own. It would appear that I've only made two entries up to this point--once about every six months since I too jumped into this cyber world almost a year ago. So-- it being October and my last post having been in April, I'm right on track I think. Hopefully this isn't a picture of how my life is going to shape up- I mean, if I only get motivated every 6 months to be introspective and havee the guts to publish it , I could easily remain a really screwed up person. We'll see.

I'm sitting on our large comfy sofa- while our kitten, Vienna, rolls around next to me. She isn't so much a kitten as she is full grown cat of four years.But Clayton started referring to her as "kitten" every time we leave our apartment...so it's sticking. Anyway, Vienna and I have the evening to ourselves tonight.
Now, she's happily purring next to me rather than rolling around while I type- we'll see how long that lasts.
She tends to have a bit of ADD.
But hey, who doesn't?

Over the last 6 months, my life or our life rather, has changed in a few pretty big (and great!) ways. Not only have we acquired our first pet...but Clayton and I both finished college (a feat in itself), we became home group leaders at our church and now have a legit group of 14 committed individuals(woot!)...AND..drumroll please...we found out that we're pregnant and are now on the path of parenthood as we speak! It's been a great 6 months. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for the next 6.

Clayton seems pretty chill and hasn't had ONE freak out moment about this whole being a parent thing. I am so thankful God made him that way. He's going to be a pretty terrific Papa.
I on the other hand--have had a few 'freak out' moments of my own. The most recent one happened in the car the other day---and sadly I came to the conclusion that the only reason I freaked was because of how selfish I am.

I was waiting in the parking lot of Academy for Clayton while he ran in to make an exchange. I watched as a mother pulled in next to our car in a gold , angular Tahoe. It was a pretty SUV---as far as SUV's go. I noticed a few tufts of hair through the tinted windows of its backseat and was able to make out the top of what seemed to be a very expensive piece of plastic-- a carseat. Two carseats to be exact. I then watched as the woman proceeded to open the back door to retrieve her little bundles of joy and I realized that I had been mistaken. There weren't two carseats---there were three. And three little children (all appearing to be under the age of 5) sat in them.

I watched her---and I felt a little bit sorry for her and how much effort it appeared to take for her just to get 3 kids out of the car. And then I thought about how much more time it probably took to get them IN the car to leave home. I thought to myself..."Man, she must've really needed something at Academy". And then I realized--O my gosh---that is going to be my life soon---if we have the number of children we want to have(5)--then I am going to be that mom with 3 car seats in the back of the car and my life as I know it is going to be SO different(yes, in my mind I used the word "over" rather than "different")...and much less about me. This is the point I would describe as the "freaking out" portion of the incident. Ill skip that part- not because I want to let myself off the hook, but more because I've moved past it---

The reality is, that my life IS going to be drastically different come March--and far less about me. But it doesn't really make sense to think about it that way you know? Because my life wasn't every really intended to be about ME in the first place right?
True- it probably will be draining and daunting some days to get 3 children into the car and out of the car whenever we go to the grocery store(assuming God gives us more than one). But I'm not there yet and something tells me that the God who's knitting this baby together right now inside of me will take those days and use them to show me even more how my life is and always was all about Him. And in that, if I'm truly walking with Him, I won't care how my days are spent--or how long it might take to do the most menial tasks--because I will be learning more about Him and growing closer to Him.

Heck-- He's deemed children (and a quiver full at that!) to be a blessing from Him--so too should I consider my upcoming role as a mother to be a blessing...and nothing else.

Thinking of it that way should eliminate some of the other freak out moments that I'm sure to have in the coming months---not all---but some. I know. It seems like a lot to draw out of a quick incident at the store---but that's how God tends to speak to me--at least lately.

Vienna's rolling around again now and this time her little claws have settled their way into my jeans-ouch!--She wants to play?..or is she hungry?...I'm not sure...I really have a hard time deciphering what this cat wants---pretty much all the time. Each of her meows sound he same to me. Is this what it's going to be like with a baby?

Saturday morning---perfect and rainy

I made the mistake again this morning of logging in to my computer. As much as I'd like to claim that it was an accidental oversight on my part, i simply cannot. It was most intentional. I went to work this morning with my dear husband in order to get some homework done and what did I do when I got there? Homework you say? No...I most definitely logged on to face book. For anyone that may be unaware of the disillusioning claws of the face book monster, let me just say that one is rarely able to jump on that site while simultaneously pursuing anything of substance or within in the realm of productivity.
That being said---I made my mistake--sat in my mistake for at least 30 minutes( that felt like 30 seconds) and the questions began to fill my mind. The same ones that always plague me when I begin to sift through pictures of friends that I haven't seen in , o I don't know how long---probably so long that it might be a stretch to keep calling them my "friends". You know it's true---(well, the negative/realistic ones out there know it is). Anyway.... My thoughts became as green as the grass in the middle of spring and I began to wonder and think about things that were not pleasing to the Lord. How do i KNOW these thoughts were not pleasing to my Father? Because His Spirit inside of me testified to it and I began to get an uneasy feeling--some might say it was the slightly shady high fiber oatmeal I procured for myself in our office this morning---but i recognize the feeling. It comes all too often im afraid.
You see, when I look at other people's lives too often on this little social networking leech, i get jealous----hence the "green" thoughts mentioned above. In case that was initially too vague:) I begin to think things like "Wow, she's beautiful...I wonder...(fill in the blank with any completely hypthetical statement you wish)..." or "huh, when I was in college, I didn't get to do things like that...I wonder if I had made different choices at ...blank...point in my life where I would be?" There are so many things in that last question alone that draw up so many emotions within me...none of which could be described as Godly.You see, I'm still "in college" when the majority of my social groupies are not---and not only are they finished with the degrees and moving on with their lives...their younger siblings are as well. Tell me, if that's not depressing I don't know what is...I stop with the questions there.
As I began to allow these questions and comparisons to fill my mind again this morning, the Holy Spirit inside of me challenged me. He asked me
1. Why are you doing this again?
2. Do you not believe that you are exactly where I have put you on purpose?
3. Why aren't you satisfied with that?....Remember that feeling of uneasiness I got before? well, those feelings come with words sometimes...I guess I should be thankful for that. I'm getting there.
In response to these questions, I logged off of face book--and felt a little bit of freedom---but not completely. I fear that this isn't a closed book issue- Hence why I am still avoiding the "homework" mentioned at the beginning of this thing and attempting to type out my "feelings" and working through what I know God is telling me.
So...to think on the first question.."Why are you doing this again?" I shortened the question to six words rather than the paragraph in my brain---you see, the Lord is clear when He speaks to me, but He knows how I think(Praise Him for that)--and I often think in more than six word phrases. Sometimes I wonder that if there were some sort of machine that could read my mind and produce a manuscript of my thoughts, that I would have a really great book by the end of about a day. I mean, I probably wouldn't allow the book to be read by children...or men...but I think it could be a best seller.